Friday, June 05, 2009
One thing that truly gets me down: completely unnecessary drama. I seem to come across a lot of unnecessary happenstances. I like to use words that I'm not sure are part of the English vocabulary. At the moment I am at a bizarre stand-off with someone I consider a friend, but probably shouldn't. It is so odd that I want to avoid drama so much that I let some people get away with the most offensive things. It's a sad realization.
Maybe now I can start being productive and discontinue rambling. Hm, maybe.
Posted at 04:50 am by sleepy
Friday, May 29, 2009
Sometimes I want to just fall into the abyss. Get on a plane and not tell anyone I was leaving. It's hard not to crave self destruction rather than shuffle along and follow the same routine repeated by my peers. I don't want an average life. I'm addicted to the unordinary and I'm afraid that I will end up in an ordinary life. I'm surrounded by people....so why do I feel so alone here? I need a change. I need extraordinary.
I found myself grabbing the mellow yellow pill and popping it in my mouth as onlookers whined and licked their lips with envy. I felt no euphoria. Only gnashing teeth and wide-eyed insomnia. Even my tolerance is against me. Why do I crave these things? Once it started to wear off all I wanted was more....of something....anything. I found him and I pulling through the medicine cabinet; grazing over prescription Lorazepam from '93. Folded cards of Xanax with monarch butterflies on the cover. Over the counter back in the day. I was too afraid to touch it. Instead I opted for gobbling up miniscule pink tablets and passing out with my headphones on. "How many did you take," he asked. "Two...maybe three," I said in monotone boredom. I felt nothing.
Posted at 08:53 pm by sleepy
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Posted at 02:12 pm by sleepy
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Posted at 07:28 pm by sleepy
Saturday, May 09, 2009
I find that I have been drinking quite a bit lately. Whether I am trying to compensate for something or not, I keep getting that desire to feel the burn of hard liquor in my throat. Today I had the worst hangover I have had in a long time. My body is still aching from it and there are bruises on my knees. The last three nights I got so epicly plastered that my pores seem to be saturated with it. I need to cleanse and re-center and try to cheer myself up in other ways. I think I just want to forget. I need a new method...one that doesn`t leave me ill the day after.
Posted at 11:14 pm by sleepy